I don't see a logical connection between the sentences preceeding "I must be a bad person" and all that comes before it.
I have been through my own "dark nights of the soul" with regard to facing the reality of how our racist culture has been imprinted on my mind in unconscious and semi-conscious ways.
In fact, very few black people I've known are judgmental in that way toward white people -- particularly those who are genuinely working to recognize and rebuke the racist voices, ideas, and priviliges bestowed upon us.
We are not responsbile for the culture that shaped us. We are only responsible for what we do now, having achieved understanding about racism and how it has privileged us.
I find it best to just do a lot of LISTENING to the best black voices of the last 100 years or so and giving ourselves the time to try to understand the truth in those voices. And then give ourselves time to look at what we have thought and done in our lives that we understand now was harmful and racist.
We don't need to pillorize ourselves for our lack of consciousness of the racism embedded in many of our behaviors and beliefs. The only thing that matters is WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?