I know a lot of people don't like to have commenters who drop in links, but I hope I will be forgiven for these.
I wrote a piece on living with grief a year or so ago called Twenty True Things I Know About Living With Grief*(revised in the Time of the Coronavirus) that I think people may find helpful:
And yesterday I published On Suicide and Ignorance in response to someone else's piece about feeling deep pain over having the same old same old cliches thrown at her.
My son-in-law Erik died by suicide in June 2010. One of the first reactions I encountered upon telling people I knew was, “How selfish!”
Ironically, I've dealt with my own suicide attempts/serious imaginings...starting at age 7. I cover a bit of those as well. I speak from inside that transparent but leaded bowl one often lives inside, under the weight of words like that.
I post these not in order to promote myself, but in hopes that you and others may find my words helpful and healing.
Losing a loved one to an untimely death is hard enough. Having that untimely death be suicide can be overwhelming.
My daughter of course had to cope with losing a husband too soon (age 44) as well as the father to her five children. She was in pretty bad shape but she tried so hard to hide it. She's a lot better now, tho. She dedicates herself to helping to bring new life into the world as a doula, as well as documenting that life with her photography. I am so proud of her...
Sorry for taking up so much space here and talking about myself. Your essay struck a deep chord in me of course, and "the internet made me do it!"
Best wishes for continued healing.