I recently (like, 2014 or so) stopped submitting myself to the male gaze, period. Of course, it helps that I no longer have to go into an office where both men and women will judge me for the clothing I wear, my hairstyles, my makeup, yada yada. So that gives me quite a bit of freedom.

I don't wear any makeup at all, tho for special occasions (maybe once a year or so) I might dab a bit of powder, blush, eyeshadow, and brow pencil on. (My eyebrows are practically invisible.)

I have a fairly standard wardrobe (almost uniform) for daily wear involving black/dark blue pants (mostly jersey knits) and various jersey-knit tops. Shorts for the summer. Sweaters and heavier fabric pants for the winter. All purchased at thrift stores.

While I have all sorts of shoes you will find me in one or the other pair of fabric slip-ons (1 black pair, 1 tan). No heels of any kind.

I've recently lost quite a bit of weight, but for health reasons (I am diabetic). I'm pleased as all get out for how I look these days.

Oddly, I still get male attention. Generally unwanted. In fact, I've become oblivious to it.

I've not had a serious relationship since 1984 when I split w/hubby #2 and ran off to graduate school 2K miles away from him. Back then I was still "looking," but encountered no one of real interest. Haven't even thought about it, tho, in the last 20 years.

I DO have quite a few male friends, all married or otherwise involved. Just intellectual/political/emotional support repartee.

Never been happier. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

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Georgia NeSmith

Georgia NeSmith


Retired professor, feminist, writer, photographer, activist, grandmother of 5, overall Wise Woman. Phd UIA School of Journalism & Mass Communication, 1994.