Julie. Julie Julie Julie Julie!!
With the first few lines here I was mad as hell at him. As I read along further about his flipping attitude..."lots of people get divorced" BS. Like it's not a big deal. Just get over it.
I wanted to beat the ever loving sh*t out of him.
I hope you slammed him in the divorce settlement. You didn't mention any details about that. I am afraid from the conciliatory sound of your discussion of him you may have let him get away with his BS just to get out of the marriage.
He was totally OUT OF LINE with his attitude. Sounded an awful lot like my ex. And I let him take me to the cleaners (including our daughter...long story...need not to talk about it as it will make me blow up with anger even tho she is 49 now!). I fell for too much of his BS as I tried to have a "good divorce"...yada yada.
NINE CHILDREN? And he just walks away like the family was nothing to him? You helped his business, bore & took care of all those kids and the house? Entertained? He should be made into a PAUPER, with nearly every cent of his going to the kids. I hope you are in a community property state because you get half of EVERYTHING built from the moment you got married. Not just what he will begrudgingly give you. Which, apparently, was going to be nothing.
Your soon-to-be ex represents the absolute worst of patriarchy. Pretty much the standard bearer. Only thing that would bump him down a notch further would be if he were violent toward you or the kids.
And those poor kids...no matter what people say about how resilient kids are, I gotta tell ya. They may be resilient at the moment, but later on down the road these events become trauma, and trauma has a lasting impact on the body. Recent medical research has established that without question.
Please do not let him get away with any more of this BS. Take him for everything you can get. And I mean it!