Rivka, I know exactly wherof you speak. I've been working on recovering from my mother's "mothering" for a long time. An exemplary narcissist, among other things she did on my behalf was turn my 4 siblings against me by lying to them so that they'd avoid seeing/speaking to me when they possibly could. I haven't seen nor heard from them (save one...but it's complicated) since shortly after our mother died in 2013.

There are long and very complicated reasons why she would not want us comparing notes about her. Because her deviousness (complicated word for LIES) would be revealed. As it was after she died...but what the hell. She didn't have to suffer the consequences!

You appear quite young...to me, anyway. I am 73. I Do have some hope to offer you, tho. As you work through that past (one hopes with a terrific therapist; if not than with some really good books and good, insightful friends), you will probably eventually find that you can find away out of the dumpster she threw you into, and emerge on the other side a far less damaged person.

Right now you do need to lay the blame where the power has been. But eventually, with some pretty hard work, you WILL be able to get to the other side of that heap where her influence over your life will be substantially less. To the point that you can even stop thinking about her for long periods of time.

Meanwhile, you might want to check out some articles I have on daughter/mother/father/family relations. I'm planning to put them together as lists, but for now you'll have to skim through the headlines to find what I am talking about.

There's some pretty good stuff there. You don't get to be 73 without learning a thing or two!

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Georgia NeSmith

Georgia NeSmith

Retired professor, feminist, writer, photographer, activist, grandmother of 5, overall Wise Woman. Phd UIA School of Journalism & Mass Communication, 1994.