Shouldn’t you be over that by now? Toxic “helpers” perpetuating trauma
Do not ever tell a traumatized person “shouldn’t you be over that by now?” or “stop living in the past!” No matter how long ago the trauma happened.
Do not tell it to anyone who was traumatized as an adult. But most of all, do not tell it to someone who was traumatized as a child.
Trauma writes itself across our bodies. The wounds may be covered over as time passes, but the scars remain, and an external trigger can open that wound to the point it is fresh and new, bleeding as if it happened just yesterday.
The trauma of childhood sexual abuse is magnified when surrounding adults deny that it ever happened, making the child believe she must be crazy — if parents or other persons in authority say “you’re lying! It never happened!” they cause the child to mistrust her own senses, and therefore to disbelieve not just the memory of the abuse, but all memories. And thus the trauma continues long after the immediate experience has passed.
Healing occurs when those involved are able to be open about what happened, to acknowledge the wound, its depth, its long-lasting impact, and to be truly sorry for whatever part they played in the…
